Just a few days back I overheard a really heartbreaking story on the train.
Two ladies entered and sat beside me. They each had a daughter, and one these girls have a birth defect. The other looked perfectly normal, except for the fact that she was a little hyper-active. Both girls were about five-six years old, and they trouble communicating. To put it simply, they were girls with both physical and mental birth defects.
The lady with the hyper-active girl started talking. They were just leisurely chatting about their everyday lives, as per what housewives always do. I didn't take much attention to their conversation (for obvious reasons coz it's rude to eavesdrop) but one particular statement caught my ear.
"My husband doesn't like her."
My reaction was the same as the other lady who was listening. What is wrong with that girl? She had beautiful eyes and a wide smile. There wasn't any visible physical imperfections about her, unlike the other girl who has a slight birth defect.
The lady continued, "She has behavioral problems. See how she can't sit still? And she will throw things around her onto the floor." This was demonstrated with a loud bang of the umbrella that the lady had beside her onto the floor. "I cannot dry my clothes at home for she'll pull all of them off the clothes pole," laughed the lady. "My husband doesn't like her." she repeated, while stroking her daughter's hair.
At this point in time I just felt sympathetic for the lady's family. I mean, the dad could "not like" his daughter by not showing affection to her, but he may still be supporting the family financially, by providing money so the mom could put on the table, pay for education etc. Like a normal family except without the showing of affection.
I was proven wrong immediately.
The lady, still laughing, said casually, "The social workers are forever asking me how come I'm the only one supporting her. I always tell them, because my husband doesn't want to." She smiled and let out a small sigh.
This came as a shock to me. What in the world? I was so outraged, so disgusted and so disappointed. This is the first time in my entire life that I've heard a father, not loving his daughter to the extent of not wanting to support her, just because she has behavioral issues.
Excuse me, but I don't think your daughter wants to have behavioral problems. I would want to live life normally as how every other kid lives - Make new friends, eat, play, share stories with Dad and Mom. She would if she could. She couldn't. It's obviously a natural imperfection that came along with the birth of your lovely daughter - And we all should know everyone has imperfections.
I mean, if you couldn't support your child financially (but as from what your wife mentioned you CAN but you DON'T WANT TO), at least don't deprive him/her of something you could wholeheartedly and readily give - Fatherly love.
But the fact that you refuse to show your daughter any form of affection AND even refuse to support her as well because she's not perfect for you just reflects on how selfish you, as an individual, a husband, and a dad are. If you haven't thought of your girl's feelings, at least take your wife's into consideration. How could she be hard and cold-hearted enough to abandon a child which she carried with her for nine months? You can not love your daughter, but I'm sure your wife couldn't. From how she's speaking, how she looks at her daughter, how she touches her, how she kisses her forehead - Your wife is tired, but she loves her daughter unconditionally.
Don't you feel in the least bad? Or feel the slightest prick of your conscience? For letting your wife bear all the brunt?
Speaking of which brings me to another realisation. Your daughter may have trouble expressing, but I believe she doesn't have trouble feeling. Imagine how hurt she'd be if she grows up with the mindset that "My dad doesn't love me because I'm not perfect for him."
If I were in her shoes, I feel as if I would hate you for being unable to accept me for who I am.
True that my opinions but be biased because I haven't heard from the dad's point of view, but from an objective point of view - "My husband doesn't like her." - it is still a wrong on the dad's part. I mean, in that girl flows your blood. You don't just choose to not love her because she's imperfect. You. Just. Don't. That is immoral and (I strongly believe) karma will get you soon.
The lady ended her conversation with, "Men, they have their fun but when a child that doesn't suit their liking comes along... That's when they leave." She was still conversing with the other lady, but she spoke it in the direction of her daughter, who continued to pick up the umbrella and throw it onto the floor again.
I've never experienced such cruelty; in my opinion deprivation of parental love is about the highest form of it. I'm not one to be easily saddened by words or pictures because I sometimes fail to sympathise with whatever the source is trying to bring about.
But for the first time, an innocent conversation between two ladies bringing their daughters out made by heart wench a whole lot.
