And I came across this article , " Divorcing a Friend " .
I'm not sure if it happened to any of you , but the title immediately caught my eye (I felt as if the title was going to describe about my own ex-friendship) and I just had to keep on reading .
(Disclaimer : I'm not targeting this at anyone who's reading it, it's just something that kinda got me thinking.)
This is the exact article :
FRIENDS COME IN many categories - best
friends, close friends, casual friends ... and ex-friends." The ideal of 'friendship forever' has
replaced that of 'marriage forever'," says Jan Yager, a sociology professor and
friendship coach, and author of When Friendship Hurts and Friendshifts. "And
sometimes that ideal turns out to be a myth."Just like couples, friends can break up,
too. But how do you dump a friend? In cases of major rifts or betrayals, Yager
advises being direct but kind once you decide to end the relationship. "Tell
your friend what hurt you and why you need to put the friendship on hold," he
suggests.While it's cruel to abandon longtime friends
without offering any reasons, it's easy to let some frienships fizzle: Don't
return calls as quickly; avoid plans or make them so far ahead that thre's time
to cancel if you decide you still don't want to get together. "Most people, will
start to get the hint," says Yager.Phasing-out friends who have put you
down - or who have let you down - pays other dvidends, she says. " One benefit
of 'pruning' destructive friendships is you'll have more time and energy to
invest in positive friendships - and to cultivate new ones. If you feel better
about yout friends, you're more likely to feel better about
yourself."-Stuart Foxman
Well I guess the article wasn't talking about my own ex-friendship though. I've been through this 'divorcing of friend' thing, but mine wasn't the "direct but kind" way.
But, I do believe majority of us do meet with this kind of friendship problems. And we do think about wanting to break off with that particular friend during the conflict.
On the other hand, why break off ? I believe that by befriending someone, it actually means that you and that dude have the fate to be friends.
Yes, it does hurt if your friend you've trusted so much does something to break your heart, to make you cry, but afterall, he/she's still someone your heart has chosen to share part of your life with.
I don't actually agree with this article though. But I feel that if there's really a need, the "direct but kind" method would work. Perhaps one might even salvage the friendship because of that directness :D
Still, I like what the author ended the article off with :
" If you feel good about your friends, you'll feel good about yourself " And yeah . I do feel good about myself (: