“If you work hard and study hard. And you fuck up. That's okay. If you fuck up and you fuck up, then you're a fuckup”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says
My exact sentiments, as brilliantly quoted by Justin Halpern.
So, as we all know every JC kid's nightmare should already be over, after the collection of results last Monday. Instead of me telling you all about my results maybe I should share with you the series of events that happened during the morning of d-day.
I was so so so so worried I could even write a whole novel about it.
7:30 am: I jolted myself awake at freaking seven-thirty a.m in the morning, with a majorly queasy feeling in my gut. Checked the time, groaned, and with a futile attempt tried to doze myself back to sleep.
8:15 am: Gave up on falling back to sleep and got up to wash up. Had a banana for breakfast, and in a desperate try to ease my worry tried to continue with my dramas.
9:15 am: Decided that I wasn't even paying attention to whatever Hyun Bin was saying so I tried to turn my attention to online shopping instead. Not successful.
9:30 am: Turned off the laptop and took a stroll around the house. By this time my gut was feeling pretty bad and since I had absolutely no idea on how to get rid of my anxiety, the queasy feeling stayed with me all the time.
10:20 am: Took a shower - Bad choice of activity coz that's when all the worst scenarios start forming in my head.
11:00 am: Scrutinised myself in the mirror and felt that for results day I should straighten out my hair.
11:10 am: While straightening my hair I actually felt like puking. Gagging reflexes start taking place and hell I was getting super worried.
11:20 am: Resorted to standing by the toilet bowl (in case I actually puke) and called my mom up to whine to her about my worry. I needed someone to talk to, okay and it's perfectly normal.
11:30 am: Rummaged through our medicine box and found pills for nausea. Perfect.
11:45 am: Done dressing up and dragged my feet out of the house, not forgetting my nausea pills.
Now that I recall all that I've been through................. It's actually quite hilarious don't you think??? I never thought that I'd ever go through such a phase in my entire life - I'm a junior worry-wart but hell I've never gotten so nervous for any collection of results. Ever.
It was a... Unique experience, I'd say. At least very least, my conscience was clear coz I definitely worked hard for this major exam. "Do or die", was something that my dad constantly reminded me of when I was in year two of junior college. 'On tenterhooks' couldn't have better described my anxiety there and then.
Looking back, I realise that I owe so many people for the busiest, yet most enriching two years of my educational life. Thank you to my loveliest class, A34/12, for constantly encouraging each other and not giving up on anyone. No matter what our grades are, I'm still extremely swelled up with pride for all of us. Thank you to my tutors, for always having to deal with my fucked up grades and essays, and for always cheering us on from the sidelines. Thank you to the most amazing study buddy ever, Ching, for braving through all sorts of adversities Cambridge has thrown us. We've seen ourselves improve, literally from zero to (almost) hero and I find those steps that we took are definitely worth it. Thank you to my parents, for showering me with unconditional support and trust all these while. Thank you to myself, for being able to grit my teeth and push through even the hardest subjects, impressively without tuition and for the valiant display of willpower through the past six months.
The two years that I spent in Anderson Junior College couldn't have been better.
A note I'd like to share with all A level grads would be that apart from appreciating the help that you've gotten from your peers and teachers, a more important person to thank would be yourself. As long as you worked hard, you deserve a pat on your back, regardless of your grades. It's essential to know your worth, and it's somewhat a driving force to aid you in moving forward.
I was never a straight A student, and for the A levels I didn't get a perfect score either. But I worked hard for it, and despite inevitable tinges of regret felt here and there, I'm proud of myself.
And if you're reading this, you should be too.
All I can say is that I'm satisfied to be able to pursue what I have planned for myself two years ago - Here's the big revelation - Mass Communications, Lifestyle-Fashion Journalism/Editoring, and recently I've decided that I would want to continue to pursue my Literature studies. Yay!
We'll see how things go by, and for now, all I'm feeling is contented.
Oh yes, in case you're interested, that outfit was what I wore to collect my results and it includes: Basic Crop Top / Side Slit Maxi Skirt in Black / Horseshoe necklace from Forever21, Timepiece from Calvin Klein, Transparent Box Clutch from Carousell.
The mysterious digits that you've been wondering about would be 82.5, ABC/A (in the order of English Literature / Economics / History / General Paper)
With love,
Chels x