Typically whenever people ask me questions like, "You got boyfriend already?" or "Huh you still not in relationship yet?" or "Really don't have anyone you like?", I'd always give my standard answer: "Just don't have lo."
Then the killer question comes, "HOW COME?!?!?!?!?"
How come??? How about how the hell would I know how come?!?!?!
That was my standard thought process all these while until I finally got down to sorting out my thinking clearly, and once and for all come up with a list of reasons of why am I still not in a relationship yet.
I'm not the kind of girl who has a million and one guys flocking around me trying to win my hand and all, but I have to say I do have a handful of admirers (note: Handful, i.e. Countable) which I've rejected. Now you guys will be like, "Got people like you what!! You say until like no one like you like that!!" but seriously speaking, for every confession I get I'd think it through really thoroughly before giving my answer. And with regards to why my answer is always the big NO, well it's just coz I don't feel right with just plunging into a relationship.
Certain people have asked me if the reason behind me still being single is due to the fact that I've experienced an extremely heart-wrenching break-up so much that I now have a phobia of getting into relationships. NO. Once and for all, NO. I have nothing against getting into a relationship, and neither am I afraid of getting into one. In fact, I do picture myself in relationships, what would I do, what would I say and try to imagine those feelings and intimacy. I believe in love at first sight too - Why can't two people have an unusual eye contact and then all the chemistry starts, sparks fly, and they get married and stay together forever?
So yes, with that I now present to you guys my official and personalised list of reasons as to why I'm not in a relationship yet.
1. I'm not exactly "girlfriend material"
I know that there are so many definitions of "girlfriend material"; some people like their girlfriends to be able to cook, some like their girlfriends meek and obedient, some like their girlfriends to be clingy and all... As for me, I always define "girlfriend material" as the literal meaning - When a guy looks at you he could imagine you being his girlfriend. Which I am so not well-endowed in.
A guy friend of mine once told me that I'm the kind who will stay as super close friends with guys, but it's very difficult for a guy to be in a relationship with me coz I'm already so close to him. Which got me super confused coz isn't a perfect relationship supposed to be the kind where partners are best friends??? Then now people tell me that coz I'm best friends with a guy that's why I can't get into a relationship with him??? Either that or I always get silently and automatically friendzoned. See this is why I'm so confused about this myself too.
But regardless, I still thought he made sense and since my social circle consists of more of the opposite gender as compared to females, I figured that maybe what he said might be true and so......... Perhaps I'm really not girlfriend material.
2. There are always girls with better looks and personalities
C'mon guys, admit it, girls with looks seal 50% of the deal first. Why? Because they get the first look! So obviously, with me and my plain Jane looks mingling about in a sea of better looking girls... It's no wonder why I'm still single right???
And also, some girls have told me that guys prefer their girlfriends to be all meek and in need of protection from them; some guys like their girlfriends to be elegant and ladylike... So here I am being all egoistical and headstrong, always wanting to defend my own ideas till the very end, super un-ladylike... What a bummer.
3. I have no criteria for my future boyfriend
I know that sounds really confusing to I'm gonna break it down. Some girls like their guys tall, dark and handsome. Some like their guys to be musically inclined. Some like their guys to be muscular. There's always this checklist for boyfriends to see if they meet the girls' criteria. As for me, I have no criteria at all. I go by the "If I like you, I like you." theory. There's really no specific reason as to why I choose this guy but not the other - The only reason is coz I like the former. Period.
But that becomes an even bigger headache coz now I don't even know the real reason behind why I rejected the latter. It just doesn't feel right - That's my only reason. And to many that reason sounds so lame coz for every rejection there's bound to be a specific reason, like "Oh coz you can't play the guitar" or "Oh coz I like guys who can play basketball" and to some it may seem as if I'm trying to play hard to get when I'm actually not!!!
In all, it all voices down to me only wanting to get into a relationship with The One. Before I feel that it's him I will not get into a relationship with anyone else. So to simplify everything, no criteria = biggest criteria.
4. Choices, choices, everywhere
Between friends and boyfriend... It's impossible to devote an equal amount of time to both. Spend too much time with either and the other will drift apart/break up, which are both equally heartbreaking. For now, I'd rather just be with friends have have no burden of not spending enough time together with the boyfriend. Missing out with friends doesn't exactly sound too good to me.
5. I'm just not ready yet
The last and most important reason!!! I'm just not ready, mentally, to deal with so many things regarding relationships - especially the big H word - Heartbreaks. I don't even know how would I react to one but as from what I feel from just thinking of it... It doesn't sound too welcoming to me. I know it's really pessimistic of me to think of breaking up when I'm not even in a proper relationship yet but we should always expect the worst to reduce the pain right???
Relationships don't scare me, they just make me feel very uneasy and unsettled. I'm not a person to share secrets and issues about myself easily, so suddenly wanting me to tell a guy everything.... Makes me feel very unwilling. Then I'd be missing out on the "communication" part of relationships. So many aspects that I'm really not ready to deal with yet.
And I'm not sure if I'd want to share saliva with an outsider just yet.
After these five big reasons... I'm not saying that I do no want to get into a relationship. I'm just saying that I only want to get into a right relationship. I know there are no correct or wrongs in a relationship and most of the time we need to undergo trial and error to know who's the perfect guy in the end, but still, I harbour the hope only getting into a relationship with The One and we'd live together happily ever after.
So guys, COME AT ME BROS. (Just kidding.)
I once saw this quote on tumblr saying, "If you love him, you'd let him go.". Having this possessive nature in me I refuse to let anything that's mine go unless I dump it. I have no idea whether that applies to relationships as well coz I'm not even in one right now. But what I do know now is, if I really love that guy, I wouldn't want to let him go. Unless he tells me cruelly that he hates me to his guts then I'd break off. If not, I honestly don't think I would want to call it quits with him. Does that mean I don't love him enough?????
There are still so many queries and confusion that I have about relationships which keeps me from getting into one. Do you understand my pain now??? :(
Loving someone is a joy. I really like the feeling of loving a person. I just haven't met someone who'd let me love him till the world ends. (Cue Michael Buble) "I just haven't met you yet~"
So, I hope you guys now have a better understanding of why I'm not in a relationship.......... Yet. Important keyword: YET. I will get into the correct relationship!! And I do hope this list of reasons answers your "How come?!?!?!?" well!!
