Good morning starshine, by the way.
The last few days, or should I say past couple of weeks have been pretty much upsetting for me. You guys would've known about the big escapade with Mr Guy-I-Like but that really isn't the only rejection I faced... To cut a long story short I've been denied of a journalism scholarship (and even an internship) not because my writing was criticised but primarily because..... My prelim results were "quite bad", as quoted by the interviewer two minutes into our conversation. Two. Minutes.
Got that right, Simba and Nala.
Hell, I made it past the primary test AND writing test successfully and was literally brimming with hope only to face such a massive blow right in the feels.
I mean, I understand how they want scholars to be straight A students but....... I have passion. Does that even count as anything?
Talk about a double whammy. I don't mean to sound stuck up or anything the likes of it, but rejection is something that I hardly face. Well perhaps because I hardly ever commit myself to being... Emotionally invested in anyone or anything so obviously I rarely meet up with incidents like feeling unwanted.
People who understand me well should know that if I wanted something, I would definitely try my hardest for it. The thing is, I hardly want anything that desperately. I put in 200% effort for things that I really want, and most of the time, I get them. I deserve them because I try, and I feel good about it.
Yet sometimes it really hurts if you don't get what you want, despite immense effort and time being put into it. At times like these I feel so dumb for trying, but all that comes round to become a futile effort in the end. It's like digging for gold, only to find nothing but sand. Such feelings make me wanna sulk and just give up and I can't help but chide myself for stupidly trying to grasp onto something that feels exactly like thin air.
But no. I poured and vented my woes to my family and friends and instead they told me that they're so proud that I tried. Trying is a courageous act that not many people are willing to embark on. "At least you have a conclusive end, rather than a million and one what-ifs", was what they said. And that because I tried, I can now move on.
"Take heart in knowing that you tried. It could have been a lost chance."
"There's always a second chance."
"As long as you did your best, there's nothing to regret!"
"Better than not trying at all and then regretting what would've been."
"Just do better than what they expect, and shove it into their faces!"
I love how encouraging my family and friends are. It took me some time to get over the rejections but I did it! Inevitably I still sigh and rant over what had happened, but I'm not brooding over it anymore. And because of that, I feel free.
Rejection is a symbol of effort.
You wouldn't get rejected if you didn't try, right? Your failure doesn't define you, your determination does. So take pride in trying, because no one's gonna condemn you for it, and that everyone's equally proud of you!
For the you who's been trying his/her best, I'm so proud of you, starshine!
Chels x